Silence takes over my body.

No words comes out.

No noise is heard.

A smile forms on my lips.

Not because of happiness,

Not because of contentment

Because of the state I’m in.


I sit here all alone.


Knowing I should be happy

Why, you ask

Everything’s in my favor

I have what I want.

I have everything.

But, no.

I sit here all alone.

No smile on my face.

Still sad.

Still waiting.

Like an empty shell.

I wrote this at the point of my life when I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I had everything that should make me happy, that should make me feel content. I had my friends around me. I had my family finally supporting and being happy for me. I made a new bestfriend. I met someone special. But I couldn’t feel the emotion that I should be feeling.

I wrote this at the time when my friend suspected that I had depression. I never went to a doctor to check. I’m scared of finding out if I do have it. I wouldn’t know what to do.

I wrote this when I was all alone in my flat, when my roommate was out, with tears streaming down my face as I felt like nothing could make me feel better. I had my laptop in front of me with the Word open. I typed this poem down before I could even think about it.

It was last year. And until now, I still feel this way.